Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He passed out mid-signature
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
