i was born a porn star she said
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
