did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
