i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
