Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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