You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
