Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
