Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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