I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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