if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
