I can text with my tongue
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
