direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
