Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
