I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
