I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
