I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
