She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
