No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
