listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
nutella sex= disaster
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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