the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
