Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
