This girl is more easily done than said...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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