Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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