Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
