is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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