Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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