New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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