I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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