If i come over, it means nothing
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
