I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
