i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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