Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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