Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
