You're completely useless in the revolution.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
