I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
