Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize