if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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