I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Randomize
