do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
