I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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