a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i believe in u and ur pee
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