You work out of a Hotel?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
