I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
