i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she told me i tasted like america
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize