so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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