We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
