remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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