You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
