I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
