I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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