I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
