Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
