First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
