I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
