If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am available for nakedness
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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