what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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