Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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