May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
