We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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