Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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