Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
