he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
