U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
