glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
