I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
