so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
