dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
