i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize